dear kaj,
tonight, while you, your sister, and your dad are at your grandparent's house, i am sitting here thinking about you and your beautiful first year of life. you turned 1 a month ago, and while i wish and hope to write you stories about yourself all the time, it is impossible to find the time to do it. i feel like you just arrived in our world. time has disappeared so very quickly. we have been busy. moving when you were just 3 months old, and starting a new business only a month later. you have patiently and easily adapted to every change, and you have seamlessly become a part of our family, routines, and all the craziness that goes with that.
from the moment you were born you have been the sweetest and easiest child. you slept through the night your first night on earth, snuggled in bed with all of us, brand new and tiny (sort of. 9.5 pounds!), and sleepless nights have been few and far since then. occasionally you have kept your dad or i awake, teething and wild and restless, but it is so rare. and often, you are so dang adorable and funny about it, it is difficult to be frustrated by the lack of sleep. when you were a few months or more old, you would wake up in the night to nurse. you would stare at me and smile your big kaj smile, and in the moonlit darkness we would giggle together, just me and you, while wren and dad slept. i had to stay awake and have a middle of the night party with you. a secret, special, magic time. i knew it wouldn't last forever, and now it's already gone.
here you are. only a second. maybe two seconds. old.
you smiled early, and you smiled often. you smilesmilesmile all the time. you seem to really love life. most everything makes you happy and makes you laugh. your sister probably makes you laugh the most. she loves you a lot, so much that she needs to hug and smother you with physical attention all the time. i usually think it's too rough or too much, but you find it hilarious. always laughing at her.
you smile at strangers, too. your dad has lots of stories about walking with you and how your little baby smile made someones day. or your little baby arms reached out to give someone a hug. usually someone who really needed it. in recent months you have started giving hugs and leaning your head all lovey onto our shoulders. this is such a sweet gesture and i treasure it. your great grandpa neubauer thinks you're destined for something great. i think so, too.
you love people. you love kids. at three little birds you have been so easy, even as a 4 month old, because you loved being where the action is. you are (or were) content to lay or sit or watch whatever all the big kids were doing. now, as a 1 year old, you are so BUSY. in the last 2 months you have become insanely active. literally running after the older children, your sister, us. trying to keep up. you are getting louder, too. shrieking with joy and laughing hysterically all the time. it's hard to keep you quiet. it's hard to keep you still. at church and at nap time we try to tell you to "shhhhh", but it only makes you yell louder. you are insistent with your language, but there aren't too many words we understand yet. lots of "GO" and "GAA" and "BA"s and "DA"s. i think it will all start making sense soon...
you love all the typical things a toddler loves. mud, water, paint, messes. you love buttons, gadgets, remotes, phones. turning things on and off. the dishwasher. getting into things you shouldn't. finding tools, like hammers, screwdrivers, pencils. you know, all the safe things to play with. you love banging pots and pans. you love the bottom drawer with the measuring cups in it, but especially you love the metal steamer basket. you are always crawling up and down the stairs, and you're actually really good at it now. any chance you can you play in or throw things in the bathtub. the toilet. the sink.
your large muscle skills are exceptional. seriously. your language might be lacking, but you can run. you can climb. you started walking at 9 months! at the playground we laugh because you are bald and in onesies, but you climb the equipment and slide down the slides like a 2 year old. we wonder if people think you are older than you are. a 2 year old in a onesie with no hair.
we went camping a couple days ago and you hiked over 3 miles. that isn't an exaggeration. you wanted to walk the entire time. it took forever. you hiked like a back stitch. you moved forward a bit, then went back a ways, then came forward, then went back...you also side routed frequently, seeking out puddles and mud to stomp and shuffle in. you crawled backwards down a long winding hill. crawled. on your belly. the whole way. but you loved it. we are going to try and take you and wren camping lots this summer. you both love being ouside, and it allows you to be free and wild and loud. i didn't take a picture with the camera, but in my mind i won't forget your funny little face waking up for the first time in a tent. grinning and laughing and giddy. you found the marshmallows in the corner and sat in our tent in the early (early. early. early.) morning sunlight, being silly and much too loud with your sister. getting sticky with marshmallow and probably annoying nearby campsites....
you bite. mostly, you bite me. sometimes dad. sometimes wren. sometimes your friend, isla. we tell you, "no, kaj. OW. biting hurts. OW". now when you bite you shake your head seriously after doing it "noooo. ooowwwww" you say.
you shake and nod your head with serious deliberation whenever asked a question. or sometimes just because you like to shake and nod your head. complete and serious deliberation.
and you do have a serious side. sometimes you are very solemn. you sit and stare. you can attend to a task with so much focus for a little boy. for an hour you will sit and play with the same block, or book, or toy. really. you do. you turn it around and around and try to figure it out. i don't know what your figuring, but we know you are thinking hard. you furrow your little brow and focus.
and sometimes you do cry. not much. but you do. you have a hard time lately with babysitters. you don't want mom and dad to leave, and you stand at the door sad. i guess you sometimes remember we are gone while with a sitter, and run to the door and start crying again. little kaj. i know you will outgrow this soon. wren already has. and you do LOVE claire, who is at 3LB during the week. she is like an auntie to you. you run to her and give her kisses. when you kiss you suck your cheeks in and make a fishy face.
you also cry when funny, unexpected things happen. like if dad and wren start having a tickle fight and get too wild, then you might burst into tears. i suppose because you're confused. yesterday gramma soozi and mike were being silly and swinging big GG by his feet and arms. that made you really sad and scared, too. when you're tired. hungry. that sort of thing. then you cry. but mostly, you are such a happyhappyhappy boy.
you are the first to wake up each day. i am glad, because you are the only one in our family who wakes up joyful. you wake up shouting and smiling. giving kisses and bapping us on the face. you give all of us hugs, and your energy shines of optimism for a new day.
dearest baby kaj. you are barely a baby anymore. your first year has already flown by, and in it you have filled our lives with love, laughter, and all your kaj goodness. i love you so much. overwhelming, unconditional, always and forever love.
mama.
